This post is a part of Mashable Humor. It is not real. We drew the bird, though, and think it’s pretty good.
A Twitter customer support employee is responsible for temporarily deactivating the account of President Trump for 11 minutes on Thursday night, just before 7:00 p.m. EST. According to a statement from the company, it was said employee’s last day, and they acted without the approval of anyone else at Twitter.
What follows is a comprehensive timeline of the “rogue” employee’s infamous last day at Twitter HQ.
9:05 a.m.: Employee arrives at office on their last day. Employee sits at desk.
9:15 a.m.: Employee’s manager approaches, asks employee if they received email. “I haven’t checked my email,” employee replies. “Oh, okay. Well, when you get a chance,” manager answers. The employee will not look at the email.
9:20 a.m.: Employee tells coworker Devin that his coffee mug is on their desk, technically, and has been every day for several months.
9:25 a.m.: Employee leaves for “early lunch.”
1:15 p.m.: Employee returns from lunch.
1:19 p.m.: Employee sends email recommending lunch spot’s Moscow Mules to full New York office.
1:25 p.m.: Employee forwards Moscow Mule email to global staff list with message, “In case any of you are ever in town.”
1:30 p.m.: Using Sharpie, employee writes, “This bread taste like DOGGGG SHIT” on a loaf of bread in the employee kitchen.
1:35 p.m.: Employee reminds coworker Devin about the coffee mug’s location, asking him, “Did you know?”
1:40 p.m.: Employee leaves for “late lunch.”
4:10 p.m.: Employee returns from late lunch.
4:45 p.m.: During team meeting, employee is asked to say a few words. Employee uses full time to again recommend the Moscow Mules. The employee has worked at Twitter for 4 years.
5:00 p.m.: Employee enters back room and adjusts office thermostat to 68 degrees.
5:03 p.m.: Employee arrives at HR for exit interview.
5:10 p.m.: Employee responds to HR’s question of, “How do you feel about your time here?” with simply, “Bad.”
5:12 p.m.: Employee responds to HR’s question of, “Is there anything you feel you have not been able to do in your time here?” with, “Delete the president’s Twitter.” Employee tells HR they think they will be deleting President Trump’s account later in the day. The HR representative chuckles.
5:15 p.m.: Employee returns to desk.
5:30 p.m.: Employee watches the first 25 minutes of Netflix’s What the Health at desk without headphones.
5:55 p.m.: Employee says, “Wow.”
5:56 p.m.: Employee messages manager that the office chairs are very uncomfortable. Manager replies with, “Well, I don’t furnish the office lol.” Employee replies, “I do not like you and I have not liked you for some time now.” Manager does not reply.
6:00 p.m.: Employee stands on desk and announces that they will be drinking Moscow Mules at the lunch spot nearby if anyone wants to go.
6:48 p.m.: Employee returns to office to retrieve coat.
6:49 p.m.: Employee throws Devin’s mug in the garbage.
6:50 p.m.: Employee deactivates the president’s Twitter account.
6:55 p.m.: Employee returns to lunch spot for Moscow Mules.
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